~Wint3rDreamZ~

2009-05-09T10:25:00.000+08:00

i dug my grave

2009-04-20T21:10:00.002+08:00

and you are at my funeral now.

to my friends who have seen me rot, corrupt and wither
i am sorry.

destroying her hopes are as good as murdering my soul.

[readers' caution: the above carries no hint of physical suicide]

april monthly ; army boy ; cpf argh

2009-04-13T23:59:00.001+08:00

and so the army boy's off 'camping'...

11/4- april nyt monthly
95 92 94 92 373
abit unbelievable
esp the first series when i had like...2 eights within the first 5 shots?
less eights than usual, even less nines.

as usual a few pointers:
-short breaks between shots even when shooting gd shots. this means, recovery even Before bad shots occur.
-be very familiar with triggering before each n every shot. (dry firing on table hahaha!)
-dun ever be even tempted to cont shots tt are not confident of producing a gd shot. if tempted, it'll be a waste of energy (by lengthening the duration of holding the gun) and then decide to cont to shoot the shot instead cuz of not wanting to 'waste the shot'.
-breathe out more than normal breath. this will increase the amt of oxygen taken in and thus awaking effect. and at the same time, it's stress-relieving. haha
-have a fast-paced and slow-paced song on hand (i mean brain). change when shooting rhythm needs to be changed.
-confidence.....!!!

many conflicts and trouble goin on since i got back to cpf building.
perms vs temps, backstabbing, badmouthing, xiao dong zuos
and now arase is dismissed, w/o prior notice WTH
perhaps we r really overboard at times, but all these without a warning?

cant think of anything else to say for the time being. nites.

nationals 09

2009-04-04T01:38:00.004+08:00

nationals was less exciting when you are not involved in it
but nevertheless i still feel that tensed up feeling when i see the juniors shoot, be it AI, NJ or National team.

guess i owe someone a treat (or is it $10?) and got a treat from someone else.
little boys ... sigh ... little boys ...
hahaha

the strength of apg is so great that, gold is still in our hands even if someone crashes.
and im soo proud of samtung for not giving up aft the blank and nt crying aft the shoot (nt like me haha)
and of cuz jen n xinhang for being bout to perform under stress
and the team for the great support they have given for them (as always ;)
overall <3333 apg to bits!

think im really gonna miss the days in the classification room.
sitting beside kenneth scanning the piles and piles of target cards
coaches gu and manzhen for the thumbs up/down with zhangjin/nigel, and the teresa teng songs
jodie and abigail playing and arguing..as thou they r in their own world lidat haha
zj with his random yet sometimes funny comments
and nigel with his suanings and painful shoulder massages Xl

oso the ROs, the jury-es, the funny incidences/stories that happened during e comp and the rubber band war.

goin back to cpf building on monday :(
ok la not v sad but seriously prefer the co job
and the pay is goooooood ;DD
(ok not as good as i tot but really not bad!)

03/04/09;
prize ceremony day
the crowd as always from nj

kinda like this comment.
sh: why it seems as thou there r so little ppl, that there seems to be more hci ppl than us?
feli/mark (kinda forgot) : cuz there are many at the other side of the range...waiting to receive award.
heh. no offence to hci ppl...

den back to nj on mr low's car
missed out some drama on the bus :(

club photo and debrief
it was at first a serious one then a light-hearted one
nice nice

then team dinner at j8
prank calls by verene to others who r sitting somewhere else on the bus using michelle's phone
ljs
bitching bout mrskhoo w the bio ppl
a further catching up w the older girls ( i mean, those i've known longer haha )

wishing a speedy recovery for mrH.
it was partially my fault tt resulted to this
(if not for the sat trngs...)
a sigh of relief when i heard tt he is still cranky n stuff..as in being himself

--
if not for feli's reminder...
不知不觉已经三个月了
lol.

bad character

2009-04-02T22:23:00.002+08:00

thx for the reminders by hazel, jonkoh and nigel.

i give ppl bad first impressions. and the best part is i duno bout it Xl

this thing bout me has actually been there since like...sec sch?
i speak to new ppl in sarcastic tones, as thou i know them very well. duno wat makes me think that they will not mind the way i speak.

weird thing is, as i noe ppl better, i use less of such tone to these ppl (or do i still do?)

oh my it's frustrating that i dun even noe myself and how i hold myself in front of others -.-

i shld put in more effort to watch how i speak.

applications more or less done

2009-03-30T23:59:00.001+08:00

just whack la hor.
goin to spend tt AUD$100
thou my chance of getting any scholarship is like low low low~

relieved tt i managed to submit all my documents today
just 2 more applications out and im finally done with all these shit

shall i apply for ntu as well?
just in case i wun get admitted into nus lol :(

b.dad and i almost walked the whole of nus today
damm tiring but nevertheless fun

met max and joel
all the best for ur interviews on thursday!
and praba too if im not wrong

before all these, chionged to cpf board to look for caifang who's on her last day
so sad tt i missed the party but got her to come out of the office to chat n camwhore. haha
got this embarrassing run-in with manager.regina lol
i was at the back door trying to sneak in when she was trying to get into the office too -.-
some of the other perms caught me too i suppose. oh my wat m i supposed to say when i c them next week >.<

and wth they alrdy got a replacement for cf like 2 days ago?
sorry joe once agn. din noe their action;s like so fast.
hope tt u can get into the jobs tt u have alrdy applied

lg-ed on wed n yst.

learnt a bad truth from lgaziz on wed

yst was all rain n thunder for 2h+ straight
slacked like sht haha
and then had fun with walkie talkie with lgterence when part-timer baosheng was having his break. he's the fav man

---
im still wow-ing at the extend of freedom he is giving/willing to give me
but no no i wun abuse it ;)
thou i never say it but i guess
4 9455 732559 6477 446
haha

2009-03-26T23:39:00.002+08:00

these days;

i feel as though im constantly psychologically manipulated

im forced upon thoughts and opinions

and am forced to agree with them

from everywhere.

i will say my mind's tempted..really tempted to give way

but to who? to everyone actually.

and this is the trouble, cuz everyone's ideas are different

i need a stand. from myself
but with an brief idea of wat's happening ard me, i guess it'll take time

im practical. i need to see to believe.

actually, i think i have a stand alrdy, more or less
expressing it is the hard part.

screwed the interview (as expected)

2009-03-24T23:39:00.004+08:00

i think the worst thing one can show during interviews, is the lack of confidence of getting the benefits and expressing my own ideas.

you can rant bout how screwed your anses are to ur frens, family, teachers...
u can groan n moan to almost everyone..
but never show an ounce of it to the interviewers.

take it as an experience then. shld i go for other interviews next time (if i still have the chance to), i'll face them with a smile and greater confidence.
the half a lottery won was good enough.

no common qns i've prepared
but qns tt still lead to my passion n ideas
a conference table with bout 7 interviewers
and me myself

ben & jerry's nice nice nice
[not the persons hahaha ;P]
nicer when im having it with b.dad :)
call me noob but it was my first time eating it

slping it off again tonight. but i guess i shld stop doing this...
rather than attempting to make myself feel better after every screw-ups;
i shld make the attempt to stop myself from screwing up instead.

freeedom day 1

2009-03-23T20:38:00.003+08:00

woots today's the first official day of my 2 weeks leave
(fyi i did not quit from cpf board in the end)

but in the morning i still ended up at tanjong pagar -.-
for some interview for some event helper thingy w joe
which erm...i mostly probably will nt be going for? (sorry joe!)

had pasta mania den starbucks
surfed the net n stuff

den down to dhs to look for g.lee
the same tall and b___ing guy
chatted and got my reference letters
thx mr lee! :)

peeked through abit (the reason y i got white envelopes for him to seal e letters haha)
and was shocked bout the amt of things he knew i did
some of them which i dun rmb doing. LOL
and i realised the med one was not directly ansing the qn!
but anyways it was quite well done. im relieved. haha.

shopping with mom
den dinner at jap foodcourt yay

preparing for my interview for now
and everyone's advising me to be natural and honest
ok i'll ~~try~~ do my best. (haha elepapa)
:D

there isnt a nicer piece of shit ard than b.dad ;D

and joe too, for smuggling the laptop out and accompanying me ard

thanks!

impact of my presence

2009-03-22T14:28:00.003+08:00

dexter just msg me asking if im coming down to safra during nats
and this leads to realise and ponder bout sth...

a 93 and 92 for first 2 series den 84 86 aft i arrived for ap team trng at safra?
gd performance during cdans and internals?

now i sincerely hope that im the reason tt she crashed her shots during comps.
if not i really duno wat other reason i can have to for her inability to perform.
and the best part is tt this problem is way too easy to be solved

duno if she noes or not. but if she does, i'll be upset cuz she never told me bout it.

it was down, then up, then down again

2009-03-21T23:47:00.005+08:00

dun feel like appearing online today.
just want to stay away from the world for a moment, a lil peace in my lil room

my throat's feeling weird and all
and in addition im inhaling second-hand smoke even with the door closed
wth.
cant on the fan cuz im feeling chilly

this is how people can be biased - by mentioning only the things that makes oneself look good (or to put it badly, that makes another look bad).
it's not his fault, but not her fault either
or maybe it mite probably but both of their faults.

keep assuming people. keep assuming you-s know everything. the world will be such a great place to live in
(with heavy sarcasm)
and no, i dun think i know the exact situation.

understanding is the key. and never be self-centered dudes.

---

and i wonder; when will the imaginary bubble of his burst
when he realise that im not who he thinks im perhaps?

but nevertheless, i am really grateful to have him
for his understanding, for his magnanimity and for his help (to carry my stuff haha)

so happy for him; he got accepted into his desired course! (with a lil uncertainty which i think shouldnt be a prob :)

today was rather tiring.
chionged on bike all the way to safra cuz i tot meeting starts at 9.30 n i left house at 9.30 exact
but it started at 10 in fact -.-

some updates and talk bout comp prep and stuff
and some showing the slides without explaining much?
i noe it's the same old slides from the kl trng camp last yr
but u mite as well dun show the slides if u were to just flash through for ppl to copy?

lunched with the sps boys (old n current)
crapped and stuff

then off to usp talk with b.dad and lirong
it has been soo long since i've seen her.
so great so great
the talk was quite interesting at parts and this usp thing is like kinda cool..but it seems kinda...time consuming and taxing?

and i met ms gill today! she's part of usp haha
was kinda :( when i had to tell her tt i din score an A for econs

had a chat with elepapa. hope tt he'll be alright.

nite trng at safra for teamnj
observed and chatted abit
i think it's such a cool thing to have so many seniors back (okay not many as in many, but the few of us is good enough)

actually the other days had been quite fulfilling too. just tt i m lazy to mention. but will do so soon.

part of the result from some personality test i did on fb-
"What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you."
so true, and i like/dun like this character of mine.

kinda incoherent today bleh.
but heck la

health science scholarship interview?!

2009-03-19T21:23:00.004+08:00

MOH must have been mad
crazy
mad
crazy

it feels like striking half a lottery
another half sleepless nite i had in a week

if i cont to have more of these emotional roller coaster rides, i think i'll die of heart attack.

and WTH recruit agencies take sooo much commission?
i would have been able to earn more than twice of my current pay without them!
and the dumb thing is, even when i offered to cont my temp job directly frm HR (w/o agency), they declined.
oh my how dumb can the companies be!

directions

2009-03-17T08:38:00.001+08:00

[15/3/09]

for moments, i lost the motivation and reason to take up medicine.
these few days were, scary.

general practice is not what i want to do
neuroscience takes more than 6 years to accomplish
memorising names is not my thing

the word 'surgeon' seems to have disappeared from my thoughts.
but that is the word that brings me to want to take up medicine
the direct involvement to put things (organs/veins etc) right, the recovery of a person under your hands, are wat i guess most people who considered healthcare for a career would desire.

another reason is actually to extend a helping hand.
with my knowledge, provide free checkups, ease the pains of the poor and unfortunate.

so, im once again motivated. whee :)

thank goodness there's this thing called Exceptional Individual Scheme. but sadly it makes me dream agn.

another direction of mine will be nutrition/sports science. they are more of my interest. i want to understand and enhance performance of athletes (seeing many who cant and myself, who remained stagnant though i know how to go about improving). and i guess nutrition is my thing, such tt i subconsciously find myself reminding my colleagues not to eat this, not to eat tt too often.

seriously, given tt im accepted for both (haha day dreaming), i wun noe which one to go for.

provided im not accepted into any, pharmacy and research will be the last way to get in touch with lives.

i cant imagine myself in anywhere else. heh.

---

[17/3/09]

ha im such a loser.
i missed the application datelines

im thankful to have a bunch of caring family members. even my brother was sweet then

i expect too much from myself. why cry? not like im going to get selected anyway.

perhaps i have cried out my 18 years worth of regrets and guilt (particularly these 2 years). and after all these, im surprised how i managed to fall asleep in the end.

im waiting for 9am to come, to call up and hopefully i'll get through.

after so much, i hope i've learnt to stop procrastinating.

results : died la hor

2009-03-07T01:41:00.004+08:00

died la hor.

thkful for i din fail gp
thkful for i din fail econs

aabcd
i really deserve this. couldnt ask for more or life would really be unfair.

im feeling damm bad. he helped my chem, but i was nt able to help his math

"if u've attempted tt 3rd qn, ur econs mite be a B instead"
-my deepest regret i suppose

my tears shocked some ppl today. sorry.
but it was unlike o's when they fell for nth.

sorry apg. i tried, i tot i could. but i couldnt put my heart into trng today

guess wat can be done now is to make do with wat was given and make the best out of it. hopefully can end up in some course tt im interested in at least. i'll be contended.

all in all, i guess the 2 yrs made me learnt sth, in the most painful way: time management and expectations

im really tired now, mentally and physically. nites world.

ps: i'll be fine

random updates

2009-03-05T21:10:00.003+08:00

random updates:

im quitting on the 24th. bye soon cpf building.

hopefully get to do cco for nationals. the pay per day is like WOW (if i've not heard wrongly)

and so in the meantime, got to find another job to cont aft nationals.
got any lobang anyone?? :D

caifang got pwned yst by ppj. dk-ed. (when a gd intention turned bad, due to ignorance LOL)
ppj: wat sch r u from?
cf: uhhh i dun really wan to say lahh
ppj: haha nvm dun worry too much. being in a not-so-gd sch doesnt mean u cannot score well. there are ppl in these schs who scored well, and some in gd schs who scored badly too.

get to see how the double-stabbing works? she's from hcjc anw.

anyways, from gd sch or not, wishing everyone all the best. im sure it'll turn out ok for every single one of u ppl :)

got a few well wishes from others too. thx alot i appreciate every single one of them

[insert] oh well i just pissed my bro off. sorry, i cant expect myself to feel better when someone who scored damm bloody well comes n talk to me. :( [/insert]

and yst was the first time i slpt and woke up at marina bay mrt >.< was late for work due to tt.
gah got to find a workplace tt is nearer

met coachfan today at np. told her i cant train today due to tmr. she's nice to accept tt troubles make shooting hard. :)

no matter wat happens tmr, i'll accept it cuz tt's wat i deserve.

i know he's not the kind of man she wants.

2009-02-28T01:59:00.007+08:00

a midnight chat with woman agn.

and i know he's not the kind of man she wants.

knew it long ago, but plunged in nevertheless.

silly?
or m i confident enough to be able to convince?

time will tell. but what if everything fails?

does she love me enough to accept whoever i love,
or does she love me enough to object what she thinks will be an unhappy ending for me?

actually within myself, i noe im not confident either, of an happy ending.
not his fault, but mine.

2009-02-26T00:38:00.002+08:00

i've been lazy, quite lazy indeed.

kinda neglect here. actually no oso, i frequent this page, reading the same post agn n agn haha.

yay taking leave tmr (thurs)
for apg, for club, for a break, for a moment to slow down, for reminisce sake, for a good catching up with everyone.
no more rushing into safra for a lane and a proper trng session. no more leaving in a hurry, not able to even have a good chat with the shooters there.
for one day.
and a stay-up for once in a wkday, not worrying bout dozing off during work tmr which is so unbearable.
wah, the impact of an one day leave. LOL

some highlights of the dayss;
badminton with shooters at ngeeann poly last tues
pink panther 2 on sat with bdad (omg damm freaking funny the show) on sat
metro lions dinner/bod at suntec (an eyeopener i muz say) on tues

short. but not sweet (i noe haha)

i find myself getting abit too jumpy these few days.
for one, i dun walk when im supposed to be walking;
i find myself hopping instead.
having too many post-a's temps in the same office is a bad thing
u wun be spared of being reminded of wat is going to happen nxt fri (most probably)
n to mention stupid mistakes like doing 2 essays for econs p2 adds on to the intense feelings. [but i did tt just to shut them up, they who keep thinkin tt i'll score quite well and tt i shldnt be worrying]

zona n tianying were thinkin bout only taking half day off only, so tt they can keep themselves occupied (with work, wth?) in the morning.
think i shld sweat it out then, a jog, a tennis session, bball or watever. shall we take a full day leave n meet in nj in the morning, frens? :D
den i dun nid to bring a sponge; i'll satisfy my squeezing tendencies by squeezing sweat out of my drenched shirt aft the activities.

aww. a bad thing to mention about now. i needa slp argh.
maybe i'll just faint, a faster approach to ko myself.
will update next time.

feb monthly ; v day

2009-02-14T23:42:00.004+08:00

the week has been alright with work n trng
thurs out with shooters for dinner n pool
pwned zr ;)
who insisted tt he just tend to lose to gals duno y, sth bout not able to unleash his true skill and being nice
WAtEVEr haha

[today]

feb monthly-
backkk on standard haha
nt exactly but closeR
90 89 91 92 (sequence mite be wrong) 362

alot of 10s! but more 8s n a 7 Xl
10s are achieved by either:
-hold on to aiming stable n trigger
-allow trigger to go off on its own
each has its own advantage n disadvantages; i cant decide which is The way
thou coachfan says the latter should be way for me.
but i guess the key factors of making either ways to become a gd shot are:
-small 'floating' area
-follow through
perhaps the ability to noe when triggering will occur will help too :D

i realised wat i mentioned are actually repeats
they r found in my shooting journal yea, records during trng n stuff
muz learn to be able to apply wat was learnt, hard to but will make it happen :)

aka. more trng needed!

out w b.dad :DD
Valkyrie 's kinda interesting
miss these kind of plot-y shows like ocean-series haha

got the book i wanted, thx to his slightly-better-memory (than mine haha)

and the bus ride home

in short, enjoyable :)
but i guess i suaned him abit too much XD

v day with the 2 loves of my life, as joe reminded haha
;D

psycho book

2009-02-03T01:07:00.004+08:00

i've been trying to finish this interesting book tt i've borrowed like 2 mths ago (omg the amt of fines i'll have to pay >.<)
im only at chapt 3 and it's really the kind of book i've been looking for. to confirm some of my ideas i have regarding ppl's tots and stuff.
i guess i'll return it first, and try to buy the book instead :D

so if anyone happens to see this book in any bookstore pleaseeee tell me
amindofitsown - howyourbraindistortsanddeceives
by CordeliaFine

quoting 2 parts from chapt 3-the immoral brain

" the immoral brain ... also competently assists in maintaining that all-important sense of moral superiority. as the brain plays amateur psychologist, speculating as to the reasons and explanations behind why people behave as they do, it is careful to apply double standards whenever necessary. we are, for example, quick to call upon people's personalities as a way of explaining their slipups. while at first glance this might seem reasonable, now try considering how often you prefer to make specific excuses for your own behavior when it falls below par. you're never late on your deadlines because you're inconsiderate and disorganised--it's just that other unexpected and pressing matters arose. you're not ratty and rude--only saints don't occasionally snap at their partner after a long and tiring day. ... when your conduct falls short of your intentions, calling upon mitigating circumstances keeps you safe from the uncomfortable conclusion that you might really be incompetent, unkind, or uncharitable.
do we bother to extend to others the same benefit of the doubt? no. when we muse upon shortcomings in our own conduct, it's obvious that our troubling circumstances conspired to hide out true potential, our good character, and our virtuous intent. but we are strangely blind to how the subtleties of other people's situations might affect them. our sensitivity to the context, so sharply tuned when we apply it to ourselves, becomes sloppy and careless when we focus on others. to our neglectful eye, what other people do reflects what kind of person they are; simple as that. ... our own cargos are delayed in the choppy seas of circumstances. other people's ships sail into harbor late because of their dillydallying."

" our indulgent self-approbation, together with our belittlingly imprecise estimations of others, leaves pretty well all of us with the pleasant, though misguided, sense of being holier than thou. yet in truth, the manipulations of social psychologists show that our moral backbone can be snapped like the flimsiest reed. one of the psychology's most famous landmarks, the Milgram obedience studies, exposed just how powerful social situations are in controlling our behaviour. in the original Milgram obedience study, forty ordinary and presumably decent men (teachers, engineers and laborers, for example) were recruited to take part in a study of memory and learning at Yale University. the cover story was that, together with another participant, they would be taking the role of either teacher or learner in an experiment designed to look at the effects of punishment on learning. in the rigged tandom draw, the unsuspecting man was deputed to be the teacher. the other participant (a pleasant-mannered stooge) drew the role of learner.
...first, the stooge was strapped into an electric chair...and electrode paste was applied beneath the electrodes that were attached to the learner's wrists... the real participant, brought into a different room, meanwhile learned that, as the teacher, his job was to deliver increasingly powerful electric shocks whenever the learner made a mistake on a word pair learning task. the sham electric shock generator...included a panel with thirty switches labeled from 15 to 450 volts, in 15-volt increments. ...
the scene set, it time for the learning experiment to begin. the teacher was told to move the switch up 15 volts every time the learner made a mistake. at 300 volts the learner pounded audibly on the wall of his experimental prison and made no response to the teacher's question. generally the teacher would ask the experimenter what to do at this point, to which the experimenter would reply that he should treat the absence of a response as a wrong answer, and to increase the shock level by another 15 volts. there was another desperate banging on the wall at 315 volts, and from then on there was nothing but sinister silence from the learner--not even the reassurance of a frenzied hammering. back to the other side, the teacher participants showed signs of extreme agitation: sweating profusely, trembling, stuttering, biting their lips, groaning, digging fingernails into their flesh. some men even began to smile and laugh nervously--uncontrollably so, in three cases. many of the participants questioned the experimenter about whether they should continue or expressed concern for the damage that they might be doing to the learner. in response to their anxieties, the experimenter politely, but increasingly firmly, responded that they should continue.
what Milgram famously 9and repeatedly) found is that about two-thirds of ordinary men (and women) will obediently electrocute a fellow human being, all the way up to a highly dangerous 450 volts, because a scientist in a lab coat tells them to do so. and nearly 90 percent of the participants in the original experiement administered at least one more shock beofre hearing the learner pound on the wall. the experimenter had no special power to enforce his strictures to continue. nor would the men have been punished in any way for defying the experimenter. yet despite the clear signs that the learner was suffering against his wall, the authority of the situation was too much for most people to withstand. the majority of participants broke the simple moral tenet, learned at mother's knee, not to hurt other people."

pardon the long post. haha

back

2009-01-31T11:12:00.003+08:00

am back from msia since thursday
the same old thing,
rotting in grandpa's house
afternoon naps in the hot and stuffy 'room' above the kitchen
helping to prepare dinner (not tt much this yr i think...?)
eat
jusco (got more working clothes whee)
angbao-s

watched inkheart with cousins
storyline's hmm...not so bad

den spent the nites watching some serial drama
close to 50 episodes in 3 nites! lol -.-

back back
and the first thing up was the psychometric test for psc
sick goner man
the pattern logic part was alright though i din hav time to check...but at least i finished it.
the maths part was ok too but 30min for 30 qns is wayy too much
i only managed to complete 20 of them :(
the verbal reasoning's the worst. i left 3 qns blank but throughout the whole thing i have totally no idea wat the passages are talking about most of the time, due to the varying sentence structures and the 'colourful' use of vocabulary.
personality test was den nth. though i duno wat animal veal is from -.- but at least i avoided putting '?' as my ans most of the time. if it's just some normal tests i think i'll put '?' as my ans throughout the whole test. haha

haha met audreytan from ip, the ip oac girl tt i forgot her name and jonathankoh.

back to work aft tt
luckily my work pile for these few days were cleared by someone else.

pushed my bike all the way from mrt to chongpang to get it repaired when i realised the back tyre punctured agn.
luckily it's only 10 bucks haha.

den went to look for my gun :D
trained and then dinner with the usual ppl.

now it's time to stabilise abit.
heh.

sad tt im not able to go down to nj le
cuz range closes at 6 daily so it'll be too rushed for me :(
perhaps when they plan to come to safra to train on sat evenings or during trng camp when they can train in the evenings as well, den i can help.

im resuming my 2467 plan
thx to bro who reminded me tt im getting a lil fat.

perhaps tennis and badminton sessions as well. hahaha
miss the feel of being able to sweat it out

trngs! 3 to 4 times a wk is a must.

cont to work like shit oso. goin for lg duty later
and jan open monthly job on sunday from 8 to 8. lol

and will try my very best to leave time for dear b.dad as well :D

tt's all for now...till the end of 3mths contract. den i'll start a new whole lot of plans for me :)
clinic asst (hopefully), camp facilitator and maybe driving? whee~!
[provided i dun nid to repeat j2 aft results are released.]

and life goes on

2009-01-24T23:59:00.001+08:00

everyone;s talking bout obama nowadays
great expectations and hopefully no disappointments.

im finally liberated from housework
duno why the relieve this yr seems stronger than those in the previous yrs

watched ipman on wed nite
[it's not I.P man can, it's ip man, pronounced as yip mun ok.]
it was screening the last day,
and thank goodness i din miss it
the kungfu's great though bloody, but i like it in the sense tt it's more realistic than those where u c ppl flying ard and running on water.
and the storyline highlights not only the martial arts but the characteristics of the characters as well
overall, great :)
thou some parts r like abit...crude, with all the bone cracking n bleeding lol

had a haircut on thurs.
ok the difference;s not really big

trained finally on fri!
purposely only rested aft 15min of dry firing n 40 shots to push myself abit to concentrate for a longer time.
of cuz the shots at the last few cards r bad, but at least it's a start :)
and den 30 shots more.

and today today
met up w yc joe n b.dad.
lunched and arcade-d
omg nv spent soo much in arcade for a day b4
haha but it was funnn
talked alot, and m enjoying the same-old-bickering btwn the two agn
with b.dad's addition of words to add in the fun ;)

think b.dad is a poor thing
im just soo hard to crack.

and elepapa (haha new nick!)is sian cuz i keep using the term 'try'
i tink i have to admit, apart from the fear of disappointing others,
i dun wanna be bonded by my promises if i just say 'i will'

somehow, the both of them kinda motivated me to shoot hard, shoot well.

goin to malacca from 1st day to 4th.
happy moo yr in advance!

love makes the world go...weirdly amazing

2009-01-20T01:34:00.005+08:00

it's monday;

and we gathered for cy's birthday celebration today.

a great meetup, and i realised i talked too much, bout things i would nv say if it was the me years ago.

get well soon my fren.

the barrier's still there btwn all of us; maybe except for pc n marcus.
or am i being paranoid again.

gogo one of most faithful stalker of ours' who is still concerned bout our lives thou we rarely keep in touch. i may not noe ur situation cuz u like to listen more than to speak. but nevertheless all the best.

wish her all the best. she deserves true happiness tt she was deprived of for years.
a song for this dear sitting mate of mine in sec4; not totally the pt but the idea is there ;)
and so it happens tt i like this song now. haha.

White Horse - Taylor Swift

That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

2009-01-15T21:08:00.001+08:00

upset for the fact tt i did not put in an effort to keep in touch with the bunch of ppl whom i used to be so close.

aft this week, aft this week.

my 7 day week ; problem forwarned

2009-01-11T19:51:00.005+08:00

lol have been working for 7 days straight.
admin from mon to fri and lg on sat and sun
hardworking aint i ;)

one more week of suffering man, before the cny break for woman.
one more batch of hiong cutting and i'll more free (more free only actually)

went for some belated new yr celebration at cheryl's.
dun feel like commentin haha
where's the club spirit.

trained on thurs and den pia-ed nyt monthly w only tt one trng tt week on sat.
94 90 88 86 358
hahaha the 10 feeling is there luh
until the last series, w 6 nines and 4 eights
no stamina is the main reason i guess.
2ndly, the idea of smooth triggering occurred during 3rd series n since then i nv hit 10s
when i triggered smoothly, the gun was still moving and firing results in high 9s
but previously, when i wasnt triggering smoothly, the firing went off with 2 results: a solid 10 or a high 8, depending on when the gun was when i triggered and how firm i was to follow through.
the dilemma struck during 3rd series.
somemore my wrist starts to die, my sights start to blur in a very short time when aiming and my legs are going numb.
couldve rested (actually i did but it only got my heart to beat faster, so only rested for a short while), but was in a hurry alrdy (not his fault but mine, i couldve ignored the fact tt i was gettin late)
i shouldnt have expected myself to finish the shoot in 1h and gave myself a tight schedule.
very few 9s today compared to my standard comps in the past
more 10s (i think) but more 8s to kill those excellent shots

met b.dad for lunch aft tt,
then did pm shift for lg.
omg dominic the part-timer says our pay's 65 per shift (1 shift = 6h) aft everything!
how cool is tt.

am shift today.
actually wanted to have a swim in the morning first but it was tooo cold :(
and somemore i slpt at 2am haha
always find am shifts longer than pm ones, duno why
so this morning kinda draggeddd...

managed to have a chat w terence today.
haha the busy ~~uncle~~ da-ge busy preparing for his wedding :)
and we kinda made a bet today; regarding b.dad's religion.
it's a prob i have foreseen but not raised. n i dun intend telling him bout it till i lost the bet.
until terence told me: ...before it comes to a time when u cannot do w/o him, u'll not noe who to listen.

went home n slpt n slpt man
woman almost had to pull me off the bed to force me to shower.

i nid to fill up the psc form quick quick
the dateline's tmr -.-

<3

2009-01-03T23:51:00.002+08:00

thanks for telling me to take things slow
for things to last

thanks for being truthful, before im.

incest jiu incest loh.

2008-12-30T00:14:00.006+08:00

i shant be fickle minded.
or i'll end up with nth i guess

going by purely my feelings had been so much easier when i was younger.
now no longer.

im beginning to lose faith with him. i duno wat he wants. perhaps just frens after all?
but part of me was telling me i mite have appeared to be pushing him away, by telling him those 'troubles' of mine recently.

but whee thk god i have nv been so happily bz in my whole life before like now
cuz things like studies are no longer part of the busy-ness, period.
it's the thing bout having 1 full time temp job and 2 part time perm jobs:
admin, lifeguard n co/ro
and oh one more, at home! lol -.-

lol. how can i be described as "You represent one of the brightest of your cohort"
when none of my prelim scores hit above 50 percentile?

every rejection's painful for me, for ya.
tt last word u said;
and are u trying to tell me we cant even be frens anymore.

him, him and him

2008-12-26T20:02:00.005+08:00

yst was a (fill in the blank) day for me.

guilty, heart wrenching, confused, watever.

i have nv been 'dk-ed' in my life, till yst.

spent 10h doing lg during xmas. woah great isnt it
做/坐 dao sian lol
hahaha

n i just realised i only did 3 times of lg,
but i realised i learnt alot there.
i get to meet ppl tt i dun get to meet in sch
ppl from ite, poly, working adults with tons of life experience

made a few frens at admin too.
mostly are temps, and are kinda cute girls
nt the looks im talking bout haha

life's bz for now, but duo zi duo cai at the same time. haha

2008-12-23T00:34:00.000+08:00

we shall wait and see.
im confident, but not SO confident as yet

im really curious to see, just to see how long this kinda frenship can last.
hahaha im experimenting with my life again. lol.

boys

2008-12-21T14:47:00.005+08:00

weird thing.
boys can just talk bout f-ing girls so openly
but they r actually virgins with little dating experiences.

talk big only eh? trying to sound cool?

haha one advice for guys: better get a gf in jc or poly. otherwise there wun be any chance to get to know girls in the future anymore. (maybe not so much for jc ones cuz they still can noe girls in uni)

imh xmas party and lg duty yst

first time at imh, interesting experience. though i wasnt tt enthu then, partially cuz of my 'morning sickness' lol
the programme, though short, was fun. hope they had a great morning :)

got to noe new ppl during duty agn
the usually men's talk i had to 'endure'. haha not really endure but just listen lol
and got abit help on how to settle tt online guy.
haha..cuz one of the guys do this kinda thing too.lol...
but they r harmless really...just abit erm...desperate? haha

unclelawrence's leaving soon :(
for his own progress thus shall be happy for him.
and it's quite pressurising and yet touching when he just told his staff tt
"she's not going to stay here. she will become a someone in the future"

need shades. and it's gonna be so ex
and formal shoes and more formal clothing.
i duno whether im earning money or spending more. lol >.<

first day of admin work

2008-12-18T20:48:00.003+08:00

admin work's kinda slow paced..or izit cuz im only the assistant tt's y.
haha
but i kinda dun dare to slack in front of my supervisor though i have absolutely nth left to do for the last half an hour today.
lol

8.80 buffet can u believe it!
saw it on tv just now...waffle buffet haha
d24 durian waffle, cheese waffle, etc...
and last but not least oreo bits waffle!
cravingggg
heh

whole load of e.motions ; 刘力扬-眼泪笑了

2008-12-17T16:33:00.003+08:00

these few days past like a bad rollar coaster ride.
bad in the good sense, yet too extreme for my weak heart. hahaha.

relieved, guilt-stricken, worried, disappointed, relaxed, glad, excited.

watever.

i think the mass of my heart fell by alot. it felt so much lighter aft saying all the things i die oso wun say.

i just got a job. like suddenly. in the morning the person called and asked if i m ready to work tmr anot. like woah, no interview or anything.
den just went down to the office then signed some contract.
yay

刘力扬-眼泪笑了

我眼泪都笑了谁还想哭呢
再勇敢的站着找回光和热
面对你的时候我不会舍不得
因为你已是过客因为路有些曲折是美的

nice song. v encouraging indeed. but not sth i would need now thou. haha.

2008-12-16T17:43:00.005+08:00

thank you and sorry, my old lover boy
was great chatting our hearts out today.

and now i can move on, with u on my mind, but not the love feeling kind.
----

and to csb,
sorry a thousand times over.
like really.
im such an ass i cant believe i just played along lidat.

i cant believe that i can be such an ass myself.
damn wat's wrong with me

personality type

2008-12-15T17:49:00.004+08:00

You Are An ESTJ

The Guardian

You're a natural leader and a quick, logical decision maker.
Goals are important in your life, and you take many steps to achieve them.
You enjoy interacting with others, mostly through work related activities.
Your high energy level means that you are great at getting things done!

In love, you tend to bring stability to relationships.
You feel comfortable being in charge, and you enjoy being a provider.

At work, you take charge. You thrive in structured environments and don't mind enforcing the rules.
You would make a great teacher, judge, or police detective.

How you see yourself: Realistic, stable, and pragmatic

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Rigid, bound to rules, and a bad listener

What's Your Personality Type?

i think i've changed. hahaha

coaching? or not?

2008-12-15T16:13:00.003+08:00

my hesitant attitude causes trouble.
every now and then

if i would have been more firm about helping out with the pistol team, perhaps he wun even have the chance to come into the picture.

"...n eh i duno if it's nice for them to stop him from going down since they hav alrdy accepted his offer.."
"...n nt tt i want him to coach, just tt i dun want to make empty promises, get him out but in e end unable to commit to them n den they'll be left w no one..im nt sure if i'll be able to look aft them if i get a job..i really dunno"

2 msgs i have sent to e.dad regarding the issue. such a weakling arent i.

i wun say im more capable than v.lee. but at least im sure i'll be more driven to ensure that they do well, being part of team nj and senior of these lovely juniors.

with regards to the empty promises part, nt tt it has not happened before. n it occurred precisely during this holiday (before i have a job, yes.)

1. internals during trng camp. i so wanted to go, to look and help to score, but in the end i could've cuz im forced to stay at home due to some housework.
2. team trng last wed. i was down for my 2nd blood test. before knowing bout it, i told jen i'll be going down for their team trng.

and i fear more of these would happen.

im not finding excuses, i do really want to help out. i was just trying to let out some of my v compressed feelings within me.

for now i shouldn't be slacking and waiting for the job to come. and to clear watever i have at hand now.

1. send resumes to more firms, to increase chances of getting recruited. one is to start earning money quick for woman to get the pawned stuffs back, second is to get my schedule fixed so tt i'll get v.lee's ass off coaching the pistol team soon.
2. prepare the 40+ sets of liners so tt woman would stop screaming my head off to get me to start on them. and to have more time to spare in the future.
3. clear up my table for brother.
4. get the momentum to finish cutting by thursday every week so that i would not have to keep facing a rushed wkend every week.

jiayou to me. hahaha.

DEC monthly, vball outing, slimmed

2008-12-13T20:49:00.007+08:00

nyt monthly DEC
87 89 90 89 355

aww. bad score, but a good enough start :)

i'll never take a break from shooting again. it's bad for my confidence, as shown by this shoot.
i was not focused, i doubted my actions, i change ways to shoot now and then throughout the shoot, i dun trust the new aiming techniques recommended by fan a few days ago.
and when i thought a certain way was alright, i repeated. when it wasnt, i changed immediately.

coach asked me to be satisfied with a 9 for this shoot. i followed, but hitting even 4 nines in a row is exasperating for me. i was miserable.

i had little 10s, more 7s than usual.

" are you going to start 25m? since for now you do not need to study, you can spend more time to start a new event. "
" i want to stabilise my 10m first. how can i expect myself to cope with 25m when i cannot even shoot well for 10? "

" i'll go when i get into ntt, if i can. "

vballed with ailin, b.dad, jo and nicole yst
fun fun and fun. the sun was not too glaring and the air was cooling.
ran Alot. b.dad and ailin would noe y :p

played cards, ate at the top of vivo while chatting.
jo was secretly happy. cuz she made us happy, esp nicole. hahaha
have not seen her suan so much before :l

yay. woman, fan and csb reckoned im thinner now. :D

i think this is for real this time. i felt sparks when ur hand met mine.

training ; that quote

2008-12-09T20:16:00.004+08:00

woots back back to close to normal standard

**rmb to lock wrist arhhh**

"you still coming back to shoot arh, but so slack"
"i dun nid to train for nationals liao wat"
"then what are u training for?"
*grabs my heart* "for my passion~~"

haha, i noe wat im training for, (besides passion of cuz)
but im nt gonna say anything till the results show.

guorong's nick today:
to the world, you may be one person. But to me, you are the world

that quote. nostalgia sia :D
when m i gonna c u agn?

Thunder - Boys Like Girls

2008-12-08T20:18:00.001+08:00

Boys Like Girls - Thunder - Boys Like Girls

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

updates

2008-12-08T15:45:00.007+08:00

long post today. consequence for having a packed week and laziness to blog Xl

last sunday
had a haircut, trim, highlight and straightening at 3rd aunt's
a close to 100 bucks worth of treatment for free!
thx aunt :)
ailin came when i started on it for not long
so she was like waiting for me for like 1h+
lol paiseh paiseh....
but nevertheless we chatted and joked and everything.

monday
PROM!

haha...went to find feli in the morning for camera
yea really thankful...for being willing to lend me such expensive stuff and trust me w it
which allowed me to take many many pics
hahaha :D

stoned and slacked in the afternoon
mom din go to work today. so both of us went out to np for a walk.
kinda hurried home to prepare for the nite
haha gt her to help me with the makeup cuz im totally noob in this (like i would ever do tt unless it's necessary)
den went to mrt n met b.dad on the train

haha the nite was quite fun
the programmes were quite good except tt cuz we r sitting at the front the speakers are kinda too loud for our liking.
the host was interesting n funny, though some of the parts r abit diao. heh.
somehow the food din become my main concern tt nite. not only tt it does not taste soo excellent, but oso everyone was bz running ard and taking pics. haha

like group pics more than anything else =D

SHOOTERS~

07S15 :)

nth much for post prom, cuz everyone's like hurrying home :(
took b.dad's fren's van back.
really paiseh for not telling his dad where i lived in the first place, he's really nice n insisted on fetching me to my block instead of dropping me at woodlands. den in the end it resulted in him wasting petrol to go frm woodlands to yishun den back to woodlands.
sorry and thx!

tuesday and wednesday
oO training in the morning
last session of dry firing.
was intending to stop in an hour cuz dun wan to go to chalet too late
but eunice tempted me to fire XD
so fired like 10 shots
the feeling was shuangggg when i triggered tt 1st shot..hahaha

went for chalet aft tt
was lazy to go with the girls to buy stuffs
so headed to the chalet instead and played ball
den it rained heavily. i like i like, but only stayed in the rain for awhile due to the thunder Xl

bbq
nice corn, nice sotong and nice mashmallows w nutella (cuz i make one :p)
laughs at the mix ups the girls had with sotong, octopus and jellyfish, esp xinhang haha.
and the not-so-funny jokes lol.

poker and asshole daidi

watched senior farewell video with the boys and then with apg
aft which was present-giving.
the girls were playing some sort of like deal or no deal with ailin and i
so we were supposed to have our backs turned and guess who had our respective presents
if we guessed wrongly, we would be whacked by them
haha bet they had been waiting for this, for they whacked without mercy when we guessed wrongly...lol.
and then... tada...

:DD

really m touched by all these they have done (video, drawing, pillow and card)
thx lots lots... <333
gandongs leh :)

then was nite cycling
was helping to teach verene to cycle with wuduo and mingjie
and she was able to come w us to cycle in the park :D

din cycle for v long though
back to slack

then cycled agn, on my own
chionged all the way ard the park this time
shiok :)

watched abit of mahjong playing and we went to find sunrise. lol
din managed to though.
think e other time when i caught sunrise at costa sands was in july
but now the sun rise in the other way of the east cuz it's like dec now :(
stayed ard and took pics though.

back and showered and slept for like only 2h

lunch and then down to yck pool for lifeguard duty from 2.30pm to 9pm.
was getting as much slp as possible on the way there so i wun like eh...slp during duty >.<

first time there. coach lawrence was transferred there from yishun pool due to some probs with the previous lifeguard at yck (politics lol)
so i guess im gonna to be stuck there for duties.
think it's nicer than yishun pool though.

duty was ok. thkfully nth happened.
full timers desmond and terence are interesting n v nice ppl to talk to.
kinda great cuz it kinda shortened my supposedly boring 6h (though it still felt as though time has slowed down >.<)
haha and they agreed on the same thing (including uncle lawrence): part timer is a slack job as u get paid for just sitting down there, lol.
but with great responsibility and alertness as well.

home and slppppppppp :D

thursday
went for physiotherapy thingy w b.dad at changi hospital
okayy was quite interesting n stuff (given tt i learnt alot more bout tt department)
but im actually in fact more interested in sports sci than physio, haha.

friday
trained in the morning
finally can let off some gas n spit some pellets during training liao
haha
expected, e shots r like sht.
9s and 10s are there...but strayed worse than ever
like...i tot my bad shot would be a stray to high 8 but it ended up at low 7
lol.
this sat's gonna be monthly and im so nt prepared for it >.<

went bowling with nisha n praba aft tt.
haha stupid me went all the way down to marina bay mrt cuz i tot marina sq's at marina bay. lol
only realised it's at city hall aft calling praba. haha

bowled for 3 rounds.
quite ok, scored more than 90 for 2 of the rounds.
shant mention wat was the score for the lousiest round Xl

then had chocolate at gloria jean's
wheee promotion $3 for choco ice blended :)
chatted bout uni n stuff
melbourne? or nus?
depends on my grades and just as imptly: money.

saturday was spent on work
cut cut cut

yesterday
cut somemore. lol.

swam at nite (for the sake of my alrdy darkening skin yea)
took timings this time, n it's frigging lousy >.<
breaststroke: 1.13
free: 1.23
side: 1.29

dun ask me why my freestyle's slower. perhaps i dun have enough stamina to chiong for the whole lap Xl

haha timings lidat....think ppl would laugh at me if i were to tell them im a lifeguard.
lol
must train n train more...!

today was spent doing duno wat
work up very very late (due to the sweet sweet rain) and so today past kinda fast.

uncle and his family has been staying at my house in the day for the past 3 days
my lil cousins r cute and troublesome man
haha had fun playing with em at times,
but they can really screw up the house like sht
lol.

wahseh spent like 2h plus blogging!
partly cuz blogger screwed up my part of my post when i added pics aft the words :(

to jtjh

2008-12-05T00:18:00.001+08:00

im starting to give in

im missing u

but somehow, there is someone u cant let go.

and all i can for now, is to wait....

=)

happenings

2008-12-03T23:56:00.002+08:00

wat happened these few days..

prom
training
shooting club chalet
lifeguard at yck pool

post another day bout these.

oya oya, was emo-ing this morning
and realised tt slping can really make me feel much better and more rational
or was i too forgiving to myself?

so whenever i feel emo, must go and take a nap of sth.
whee napping rocks.

and i really need to slp now, damm tired.

ps: i've got a new damm nice pillow to hug onto tonight! apg <333

sorry i lied bout going for shooting club chalet

2008-11-29T22:43:00.005+08:00

sorry for the lie.
hopefully this shall be the last one, cuz i really really wanna stay for this particular one

haha i noe when i grow up i will find this act silly perhaps

but ren huo zai dang xia ma
just do wat one wants to lo (as long as no one's harmed)

heh this blog's like becoming some sin admitting thingy. LoL.

sidetrack........

life's cool for now.

stayed at home on thurs n fri for mom and work.

sorry girls for nt being ard. wonder how was internals.

trained on thurs. ahhhhhhhhh still dry firing....
pooled w daniellau and chris. owned their asses ;D

getting a pair of shooting specs from e.dad cuz i lost mine... (noo...)
thx for the 'long-term loan'! :D lol

went to sentosa today w min jann lh bs and pc
haha vballed and soccered and asshole daidi-ed
uber fun :DD

going for haircut and perhaps dye tmr at 3rd aunt's.
yay prom on monday.
seeing the favourite ppl agn

job search is getting abit more hopeful
thx to min and jann for the recommendations! :)
shall get my resume and registration done..like soon.

wrong

2008-11-24T22:04:00.002+08:00

im guilty

shouldnt have cont persuading when i noe i shouldnt
my conscience's tugging my mind but i carried on.

conflict btwn a promise for a fren and not putting another fren into a bad dilemma.

this sux, i seem to always harm more than help.

rahhhh

and secondly, now i've became the asked and not the asker

the worst thing is, i have to realise my wrong only when someone reminds me of it, directly or indirectly.

2008-11-22T09:55:00.002+08:00

and this is wat Melman the giraffe says about Gloria the hippo:

Listen, Moto Moto, you better treat this lady like a queen. Because you... you, my friend, you’ve found yourself the perfect woman. If I was ever so lucky to find the perfect woman, I would give her flowers every day. And not just any flowers ok? Her favorites are orchids. White. And I’d bring her breakfast every day. 6 loaves of wheat toast with butter on the side. No crusts. The way she likes it. I’d be her shoulder to cry on and her best friend. And I’d spend every day trying to think of how to make her laugh. She has the most... most amazing laugh.

That’s what I would do, if I were you.

But I’m not, so you do it.

got this part from yanjia's blog. amazing, how she managed to rmb every word of this.

gandong-ing rite? hahaha

and b.dad would say:
this is when love is blind, and deaf as well.

lol.

2008-11-21T21:46:00.005+08:00

woots had a great day at home today.

woke up in the morning for a 30min jog
followed the 811 route from my house for 13 stops
den took bus home

ate and slpt.

used the com abit

went to walk walk at np
omg np's like much bigger now (thou not all the renovations r done)
there;s like 3 food centres there: food court at b2, snack booths at b1 and jap food only foodcourt at lvl 3
den there's this hongkong cafe where the place always seems to be filled and a queue outside
omg muz go try out someday :)
the only lacking part are the clothings i guess.
the lib's quite nice too

read some book i borrowed and cont slping

dinner n tv

woah, i feel v shuang today
a day on my own :D
peace out

animal day yst.
went to watch madagascar 2 with al n b.dad at amk
nice nice, funny and lame
gen joined n had nice briyani for lunch

zoo-ed. totally no impression how it looked like cuz the last time ive been there was when i was pri 5?
haha...quite interesting with alot of walking
thou i feel sad for the animals who were forced to stay enclosed n they seemed v bored

went down to novena and ended up eating subway. hahaha

great company. [the 3 of them ALL] cyaz on mon! heh

tore my entry proof with joe on 9.15+
bryan was screaming like mad
but weird nobody ard me were really smiling when the invigilator said stop.
perhaps the happiness kinda leaked alrdy when paper 3 finished on mon... haha

2008-11-19T18:25:00.002+08:00

oh, did i just kill one of my possibilities?
hahaha

2008-11-19T00:40:00.001+08:00

hohoho i like jefferykoh;s msn nick:
"don't you wish your boyfriend was hot like me!"

what is love.

2008-11-19T00:14:00.004+08:00

omg omg im still stunned by wat ailin has told me today.

i used to resist, alot, when ppl like to put me and some other guys together.
they always tell me: relax la, we kidding only.
so for the sake of fun, after a few years, i began to not to be so resistant against such dixiao-ing.

and now, i got the same thing happening to me again. yet this is for real. an actual possibility, an act of concern.
(im sure tt ailin's a serious enough person to tell me things seriously when i want her to- but if u actually meant to joke seriously, pls tell me so, cuz im taking this for real. hahaha.)
[edit] and at the same time, im sure they are looking for some fun too. heh.

sorry im confused now.
wat is going through my mind is:
"confusing, this is. i dun even noe where my faith lies."

im banking my possibilities, somewhere.

sorry. though im like 18 now, i duno wat is love.
over being loved and loving someone, i choose the latter. and once i realised wat i wanted from a someone is "i want to be loved by u", i reject the idea of being with tt someone. cuz to me, tt's not what i want my relationship to be.

if i can find tt someone who can make me selfless, who is able to make me wanna to care for, wanna to love for no returns. yes, im after u.

island creamery

2008-11-17T20:23:00.002+08:00

hehhhh
mac breakfast n island creamery after bio 3 with yc and joe is great today
due to the rain, we were forced to stay and talked Alot
though for the beginning part i was most of the time stoning and laughing at the 2 of them bickering with each other.
so sweet <3
[hahaha jk! joe dun killl me >.<]

so weird, joe today was like, "so who is the guy?"
and i went "wat guy?"
hahaha think i mentioned too many that i duno which one i was talking bout

but well i have a way to identify who is who :p

think i mite end up an old spinster if i dun make up my mind wat to do
though it's quite hard to say cuz im only 18!
hahaha.

dun marry dun marry lo..scully end with a man like my dad [real] Xl

not bad la actually. the man and the woman are actually still very loving :D

looking back....
why does my form of end of papers entertainment always has sth to do with food and slp?
haha no excuses not to exercise rite after exams :)
jog jog jog swim! and maybe tennis badminton soccer bball if anyone ask me to!

ur love, my thoughts

2008-11-16T10:16:00.003+08:00

before i continue to get lost in wat we talked bout yst.....

shit i got to study! memorise all bout the HGP, ethical and social issues, southern blotting, cloning, gene therapy and diseases and wat's not!
application syllabus is so freaking small compared to core such that i should be shot if i cant manage any theory qn tmr
haha

"the idea is always there, but the words are not :("

females will never get X-linked SCID
hahaha
too bad mannns :p

a science person

2008-11-15T22:33:00.004+08:00

it had been so long, since i was known as a "physics person"

as yinghui told me today.

when gen n ailin were doing physics mcq today

i kinda feel like throwing my p3 practice away

hahaha

missed physics. but since i noe im not going to take tt in the future,

i guess it's ok to drop it for jc

(though it's easily like my better sub than bio during sec4)

interesting concepts really.

but i think if i were to drop bio, i would feel the same way too.

hahaha.

overall, im just a science person i guess.

heh

aww. miss the triple sciences and double maths days.

hahaha

ms feng jh

2008-11-14T21:26:00.004+08:00

Dear Bio Students,

Here are the answers to 2007 A Level Paper 3. Do use them well for your preparations! :)

How are you all doing? Wanted to encourage everyone to keep their heads and hearts up, and press on toward Bio Paper 3 and Paper 1 as well as your other subjects' papers!

Indeed, this year's Paper 2 was a tough one. I personally found it very challenging, given that you only had 2 hours! And from comments from other bio teachers I do think that most of the teachers and students would also share my sentiments . Myself and another Biology teacher together spent about an hour to fully figure out the very tough genetics qn! So don't be too hard on yourselves, I'm glad most of you battled yr way through the tough paper v bravely, that's cause for a BIG pat on yr back *pat pat* :)

ONWARD TO PAPER 3! :) :) :) Jia You everyone! Rest well too in between!

*Cheers to spur you on!*

Ms Feng
--

think she's like the sweetest nj tcher ever!
above was her msg for us on km

and william's nick sums up econs p1:

Use Indian Spirits as a fuel to burn Chinese bras and solve UK's gas shortage

hahaha

jtjh

2008-11-14T19:45:00.003+08:00

just like 2 little kids who dunno wat is love.

i am having great childhood, though i noe im too old for it

after a nap and stoning,

the bio war begins.

screwed econs 2

2008-11-11T19:14:00.003+08:00

ah im so screwed!

pat me on the shoulder or watever.

i only did 2 qns for essay

so to get a B, i muz score more than 22/30 for each case study tmr

hahaha

if it's 2h45min, it wouldve been so possible.

but at least i owned chem today

made up for p3

a teeny weeny bit.

goner for gp

2008-11-09T09:55:00.001+08:00

:'(

looking at chokkee's track record for his results,

i think i'll end up getting an E for gp

tt is, if im lucky.

almost halfway through

2008-11-07T17:20:00.002+08:00

what kills you in a difficult paper is ignorance
what kills you in an easy paper is carelessness

watever happens, just pray that the 'cushion' is big enough
lol
i find this sadistic yet realistic;
u are supposed to be happy when ppl fails to perform and u do?!
tsk, wts is wrong with the bell-curve grading system.

after a foot-long cold cut trio student meal and a 2h nap,
im back to reality.
econs and chem: bring it on.

maths 2

2008-11-06T12:13:00.001+08:00

gonna clinch my first A tmr

die gp die!

2008-11-03T13:44:00.001+08:00

wat can i say?
i just got pwned by gp.

im seriously serious this time,
i have a high chance of failing this papar, esp after yc shared his points with me. (we did e same qn for essay)

so how, cannot go uni how?

while i tell everyone not to give up
i so feel like giving up now.
(nah will still go through e motions)

weird guy

2008-11-02T21:00:00.002+08:00

"go out walk walk n chat..mayb catch a movie wit u?"

why in the hell would a person who u have never met before sms this kind of msg?

i must own gp tmr!
die die cannot fail.....!!!

and it happened

2008-10-31T08:14:00.003+08:00

i used to cry over it

and close to 4 yrs later, i cried over it again.

my secret hope for yrs is going to be realised soon,
while i was subconsciously trying to muster up my courage and thinking bout giving up at the same time,
he came to me.

guess things comes when one least expects it?

but the other part of me says: it's sometimes scary to know the truth. :l

3 days to a's
all the best ppl :)

math blocked

2008-10-29T21:17:00.003+08:00

i realised i cannot maths when someone's sitting in front of me waiting for an answer

the pressure of not being able to it makes me mind blocked i guess?

hahaha thank goodness im all alone during exams. heh.

scare tactic

2008-10-27T22:49:00.002+08:00

MSHENG'S SCARE TACTIC IS FREAKING WORKING ON ME.

dun feel like slping tonight cuz it's her consultation tmr

and i have yet to finish my 'wr'....!

it's alrdy 22 pages with 8.3k words,

but im only starting on macroeconomic problems only.

i Laughed when i saw him with her on sat.

dunno how i managed it. lol.

2008-10-26T09:06:00.002+08:00

stop feeling the need to escape from the books

but instead enjoy the learning process.

jay's new album is really nice

been listening to it for almost 3 days in a row

u would've think tt it's lousy at first instance

but after listening a few times it's actually quite nice

the lyrics r v interesting too

saw alot of familiar ppl at je yst

creepy.

im 1/7 left with my imba bio notes!

though im actually supposed to finish it yst >.<

feeling guilty for not touching gp for 2 days

and maths for like...1 week plus?

cries over gp

2008-10-20T22:12:00.002+08:00

i need to screw my gp, nice n proper, soon.

wth. one percentile! :(

with mrswong/mdmho, things seem more optimistic.

it's up to me now.

grandpa's 70th

2008-10-19T21:45:00.002+08:00

just back from malacca from thurs

wasted 4 days not studying much.

sian missed phototaking fun on grad day.

dun feel like uploading pics

though my cousins are good-looking n my grandpa looks damm happy.

2008-10-15T22:02:00.003+08:00

me: final 10 fun anot ;)
eunice: Damn exciting. I nearly got no medal. Malaysia is 3rd. Difference of 0.1. My last shot is 10.9. With that shot i jump from 4th to 2nd.

heh, congrats to chris and eunice, each winning a silver medal :)

no more mugging in the range.
anywhere, BUT the range.

2008-10-14T19:59:00.004+08:00

ZOMG HOW COOL CAN SHE GET.

commonwealth youth games...indv gold medallist :)

~~(dun ask me wat's her last shot cuz i also dunno)~~
last shot's a 10. haha.

just for laughs:

when chris becomes indian! heh.

medical clearance

2008-10-14T19:27:00.006+08:00

a rap on the bus window.
i woke up with a jolt, turned and realised tt we've reached nj.
seriously, if not for tt 3 guys who took e same bus as me i wouldve missed the stop

thanks alot! and im so guilty tt i din even have the courage to walk up to them n say thanks as i was feeling so malu
stupid rite.

econs for the morning
den msheng went through my mock p2 during consultation
hope my test din go really bad.
at least i fulfilled erm, part of msheng's requirements :l

more confident for now i guess
i should continue drawing up my analysis and evaluation book ;)

went to ps to meet dad n had ljs
hahaha seems like i'll eat tt only when i eat with him
lol.
but the clam chowder soup is like damm nice can

ok den to sports council to do medical clearance.
weight(57kg?!:(, height, eyesight, blood pressure, heart rate, urine, blood test-s
the physician and attendants there r v nice

he even taught me how to relief my hardened shoulder muscles, knowing tt im going to take a's :)

den to somerset to take chest x-ray
dad is so pervy can, keep laughing bout the large chest x-ray thingy
sigh.
n ya went home

thx for the company haha.

econs syllabus

2008-10-13T22:04:00.003+08:00

part of econs syllabus states:
[Interest rate determination and graphical illustration of the transmission mechanism are not required. A descriptive explanation of how monetary policy works will be sufficient.]

reading the syllabus requirements makes me realise that we dun need to know That much. seriously
it's good to noe maybe
but no need to rmb so much :)

but perhaps it wun kill to give the examiners a little bit more

with 3 weeks left.

2008-10-12T21:30:00.003+08:00

with 3 weeks left.
my days would be spent on math n sci
my nites will be on econs n gp.

settle arh!!

finally feeling the long lost stressed up feeling tt will eventually be converted into actions
( i used to feel stressed but dun do anything :l )

stand by you

2008-10-11T20:46:00.002+08:00

let me stand by you,
wun you?

tied by wth? >.<

2008-10-10T20:54:00.005+08:00

arghhhhh. im going mad.

i realised im not fickle minded. just double-minded :l

econs mock these 2 days were uh oh.
uh oh.
uh oh lo.

went to safra to collect stuff and pay locker fees
with abel yea.

shoot on mannn!

i find myself clawing my hand when i feel stressed.
not normal uh?

gpee now.

ps: csb u stupiiddd goaty bao. hahaha.

singing in the range

2008-10-08T20:06:00.008+08:00

led by zr once again
we were singing in the range during e 3 'free' periods.

u couldve expected wat happened. lots of laughter! (tt's another l.o.l! lol.)

amused by joe's shyness. haha im sure u get wat i mean. heh! u gonna make it as a rockstar one day! hahaha.
no im not teasing, not being nice too. the most impt thing is u enjoyed. get that?

"aiyo. i realised u r singing and i tried to listen. den u stopped singing."
"not my fault la! im trying to follow u sing. u stopped le how i continue?"
lol b.dad.

on the sidenote; thx b.dad for da drink. who ask u to own me in bio =p

think should call zr out to K someday. he seems deprived.
well well...practice makes perfect im sure! :)
and of cuz, with the other 2 jokers. heh.

Linkin Park - Leave Out All The Rest

2008-10-05T12:17:00.005+08:00

a not-so-heavy work by linkin park
linkin park - leave out all the rest.

2008-10-04T22:49:00.006+08:00

today was spent the wrong way
shouldnt have agreed to study at woodlands lib...
awkward is the word i guess.

if u r a guy (or u think u understand guys well enough)
can u tell me,
do u think false hope is better? or no hope is?

haha i shouldn't think so much.
not like wat im thinking is the truth.
or i hoped ;)

on a happier note,
met jannice and siaochi there too!
had a nice little chat with them..
hope we'll meet soon again :)

and ya, when i reached the lib,
i met soklum from 4e3'o6 if im not wrong. haha.
so paiseh for i kinda forgot her name... lol.
but she was like saying:
"hey! are u eh...shi hui?
the alex lim one!
haha i rmb he always say ur figure very nice one..."

WAT IS FREAKING WRONG WITH TT MONKEY ARH?
haha i meant alexlim..lol.

just when i begin to think tt im someone who can open up my mind
i realised i still couldn't
lol.
if my mind were a book, it would be one that has been soaked in glue
cant open up.
but i think, im simply, just an animated children storybook :DD

2008-10-04T00:22:00.001+08:00

and soon, we'll see the range brimming with life again :)

2008-10-02T23:46:00.006+08:00

weird: im getting kinda fickle-minded...
me: no! im still faithful.

hahaha so random.

a rather unproductive morning,

subway lunch...yum!
finally stepped into rail mall
secluded yet crowded
ironic huh?

went home n completed rj papers
only.
3h to complete a 1h30min long paper 3! claps.
hope mrskhoo will say sth like: u dun need to write so much one!
cuz i seriously think i overwrote for most of the qns.
haha i hope, i mean ;)

thx gen for da treat! when she dun have to...haha.
ps: noticed how worked up colin is when i said "free lunch for ya." ?
was it me who's sensitive or was he being 'guilty'?
haha watever it is the scene;s just so funny.

im gonna own b.dad/pig in gp!
look who's kidding -.-
but at least i get to 'attack' him today with my chimmm english.

felt evil today.
cant help to commit these fatal acts...
damnit.
sorry! joe

2008-10-02T01:36:00.001+08:00

my eyes seems to have the ability to tell me to slp.
no, not the conventional way of dropping eyelids
but when it's late at nite, it starts to get kinda itchy
like now.

horrible terrible results.

2008-09-30T19:28:00.003+08:00

horrible terrible.
gp S
B D
C E
M B
E U

instead of the 'stable' results i got from midyr
i have a range now
from b to u without c
lol.

time to buck up!
i wan my aaabb! :)

msheng tricked us again!
im not under some msstacytan but ameliaheng herself.
and somemore she says she's gonna pay more attention to ppl like me
wo zhe me hui bu geng dong ne? :D

2008-09-30T00:19:00.006+08:00

whines: mac no longer sells student meals on weekends anymore! :(

sunday.
did scoring for open monthly
1 detail only...for 30 bucks!
shiok ;)

monday
econs is just as cui as i have expected.
bio was unexpectedly cui-er than i have expected.
thus im more frustrated towards my bio results than my econ's
when my bio results should gonna be better than my econs.
haha

busy week man.
tuesday nite to sunday nite to:
-study bio (core syllabus!)
-do 4 jc-s 08 prelim papers (p1, 2 and 3!)
-study econs (everything! maybe except for market structure if i dun have the time)
-ideally, do 3 essay qns from either 06/07 a level paper for consultation
-prepare for mock econs test next thurs and fri.

tell me, isn't life sad? hahaha.

nationals and zonal colours 08

2008-09-28T00:48:00.003+08:00

to their convenience perhaps, sssc have decided to merge zonal n nationals colours tgt at four different schs on the same day
meaning, i dun get to c all the assc mates :(

this yr's at asci
food's not bad...but din get to eat 2nd serving
haha.
sitting beside abel this yr..cuz we receiving 1st time nationals and 2nd zonal
haha he was telling me tt last yr he was alone n was sitting with abel char
and said tt I laughed at his sch (or is it him?)
watever....i dun really rmb doing tt...hahaha XD

nicole, 20cents, carol :))

some film showcasing all the sports activities
shit's featured! long enough for me to save an outgoing sms into draft and switch my lagging phone to camera mode. hahaha.
actually penghui's on the screen too, just tt i couldnt react in time to take a photo.

nice to see abel, jonathan, justin, daniel, thyejie, yulin again.
shooters unite! haha

dun hope.

2008-09-27T13:20:00.005+08:00

never take in what people promise you
you'll get more delights than disappointments.

eg.
your child tells u: i'll be home early today.
if he/she does, u will just feel alright.
if he/she doesnt, you'll be disappointed.

and

your child tells u: i'll be home early today,
but you dun expect him/her to.
when he/she really reach home early,
you'll be happy.
if he/she doesnt,
you wun be disappointed.

but on the contrary, wun this make promises meaningless?

2008-09-25T22:49:00.002+08:00

wahhh.
one whole day spent on tt bloody nov 07 math paper
paper 1 only some more.
lol kk im lousy >.<

kfc family feast with joe n zr today
satisfying.

south zone colours tmr at acsi
woah so exciting...haha.
think perhaps anything else would make me just as easily excited
(dun think the wai way alrite...)
hahaha

im lazy to run :(

2008-09-23T19:47:00.000+08:00

is there anything i can do
to help?

i really dun wan her to fall.

2008-09-21T01:13:00.002+08:00

Spencer Tan - http://spencertan.com says:
heys!
- sh* 你最近还好吗是不是也在思念里挣扎 says:
hello! vietnam hotel got internet access? haha
Spencer Tan - http://spencertan.com says:
yah
Spencer Tan - http://spencertan.com says:
but I am paying
Spencer Tan - http://spencertan.com says:
sigh
Spencer Tan - http://spencertan.com says:
anyways
Spencer Tan - http://spencertan.com says:
just to let you know I updated my blog
Spencer Tan - http://spencertan.com says:
haha
- sh* 你最近还好吗是不是也在思念里挣扎 says:
ok...i duno if i have ur site..haha
Spencer Tan - http://spencertan.com says:
lol
Spencer Tan - http://spencertan.com says:
spencertan.com
- sh* 你最近还好吗是不是也在思念里挣扎 says:
o tt's ur blog?hahaha oks
Spencer Tan - http://spencertan.com says:
yup

hahaha coach spencer really blog damm fast.
pictures from vietnam!
http://spencertan.com/

seeing off seasa ppl

2008-09-20T23:59:00.004+08:00

went to T2 this morning to see the seasa ppl off.
din really have enough time to talk to everyone, they went in before 9 thinking tt they have to check in by 9 but actually they r supposed to check in after 9. lol.

silly vanessa. she reached abit too late, everyone went in by then.
had bkf with her, walked ard T3 den waited for sebestian to come as they actually have planned to meet for swenson's ice cream.
haha another person ive not met for a long time.

my banana split without banana!
actually i find it super absurd to order this but i dun really like too much banana and i like choco, strawberry n vanilla ice cream. so sebestian helped me to order this. and to my surprise, the waitress agreed, adding on 2 more biscuits to my split! hahaha :)

chatted and stuff.

did tt stupid econs thingy at mac's
bloody 45 pages of econs essay qns to interpret
took me 3 frigging days la.

who ask me to 'eat the toad' first.
dun laugh at me, im actually motivated by zaclim.
so ive decided to do hw on the subject i dun like to do the most (econs and gp)
then those tt i like more (math n sci)

im supposed to study econs or bio this wk one.
in e end spent most of the week doing hw, stoning, and duno wat.

oya, thx ailin lots for lending me her bio booklet of many sch's prelims papers to photocopy the paper 3-s without charging me, cuz tys wun have them.

studying with bangla dad is great cuz he's like taking the same combi as me. anything i duno can just ask him on spot (hahaha)
but tt results in more talk than work sometimes.
haha paiseh!

going through the motions but with conscious of wat im doing;
keeping my goals and purpose in my mind at all times.

2008-09-18T20:25:00.001+08:00

refreshing day

took mrt to sch cuz running late for chem mcq
damm tired to stand all the way

chem mcq, break, chem going through p3

den went off to run
30min. from front gate to 2 bus stops before macritchie with my turtle speed
kinda lousy i think...perhaps normal ppl couldve reached there or further
somewhere near the end of my jog, there's this big sized lizard thingy (forgot the name of tt creature) beside me on the pathway. den when my countdown timer rang, it jumped and ran into the forest.
hahaha damm funny
took bus back to sch

showered and did some work.

starting to underline every single shit my eyes seem to like to miss out.

fall, weight. fall!

2008-09-18T00:16:00.005+08:00

shouldn't have read shermaine's blog
makes me miss safra more only :(
this is perhaps the first overseas comp tt im not going when other nyt ppl are. felt abit left out. lol.

haha met chris at interchange after his training i think.

all the best to j1s having common test

and those going to seasa this sat
have a safe trip and have fun!

wish list as of today

2008-09-14T23:37:00.004+08:00

ok im bored and has been fantasizing and checking up some cool stuffs these few days

here comes my new wishlist. lol.

num sandals (brown n light brown)
nike air (red n white/blue n white)
ipod touch (16/32gb)
c902
sauer shoes (hopefully looks like the same ones im having now. but if nike air is flat enough maybe i wun get this)
vaio cr/macbook (as long as it's under 2k during sales)
wordy tees
black jeans
adidas windbreaker (to make up for the one i've lost:( )

haha y ipod touch and c902?
perhaps due to wat i wanted with my devices in future.
.phone functions (sms, call)
.camera tt is good enough, with flash and video taking
.mp3 player
.video player
.wifi/internet
.document/book reading
.calender w/ organiser
.contact list
.note taking

omnia wouldve done the job. but it's flash is lousy (even 6280 when taking pictures in the dark oso wun result in white glares la), ipod touch has better resolution and perhaps i like apple's interface more.
iphone 3g is another option. but it's super ex if i were to get another camera to make up with it's 2mp camera with no flash.
so yea. if i can get a c902 at $500-$600 (if 2nd hand) and 2g ipod touch at $500 (for 16gb) den selling off my w910i, i'll be spending less than a k for wat i wanted for at least 3yrs?

just hoping tt, by the time i have the money, ipod touch will have bluetooth :)

discipline

2008-09-12T15:42:00.002+08:00

and he was talking bout life at sss...