::*~Wint3rDreamz~*:: - Enigma of a thousand flowers

Thursday, September 04, 2008

not a person who easily says love.

i sometimes wonder if watever i do ever irritate anyone.
since no one says anything, i infer from their actions.
rite or wrong, i duno. but i do not have the confidence to do wat i want to do thus, wat if they dun like it?
i even have to pause and think before tagging a tagboard. i can almost imagine ppl in front of their computer screen rolling their eyes.
sometimes i do ask wat they think. they always say, 'no la!', 'dun think too much!'. such replies, though comforting, make me ponder more instead sometimes. perhaps they are just being nice?
there are times when ppl bitch bout others to me. will i happen to be the 'subject' tt others will be talking bout at the same time?

i feel childish. stupid to be thinking bout this. just love! do watever u want to do if u think it makes them smile...

actually im most of the time ok and secure with most of my frens, but to this particular group of ppl, i sometimes feel insecure.

i feel indebted to them.
i have not done enough for them.
i felt like i've snatched a position tt someone else would deserve better.
i felt like i've snatched a position tt everyone thinks tt tt someone else should have taken instead of me.
i have broken e perfect 3-men-team, who were on such good terms even before i came.
i duno if tt's wat they think.
i duno if she enjoyed working with me.
i duno if i've done a satisfying job.
i wondered if i've made their lives better, or worse.
[wah this segment seems so self-centred..lol lol.]

i love them so much tt i fear that my presence makes them unhappy.
but if ppl say that true love is when u feel safe and happy being with someone(s)
den i'll call this an insecure love?

i hate myself to think this way.
just as someone (i forgot who) mentions tt he/she dun like ppl who cant think straight,
i hate myself for not being able to think straight, for this moment.

i truly appreciates all the love every single one has given.
but im just not taking it the rite way, perhaps im guilty-sicken?

the reason y this post is in black, it's not meant to be commented, at all. thx.

*pats on my shoulder*
tmr will be a better day!
actually today's a good enough day, just !@#$%^&* mugging.
haha

ulcer ulcer go away! i want to eat tt 4.50 mcwings meal :)

wint3rdreamz@9:42 PM
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