::*~Wint3rDreamz~*:: - Enigma of a thousand flowers

Sunday, July 29, 2007

sometimes i wonder
im perhaps abit
too irritating
too noisy
yet too silent at times?

i duno.

retribution for being abit mean to certain ppl?

can someone like say sth...be my mirror or sth.

wint3rdreamz@12:14 AM
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Saturday, July 28, 2007

haha
finally had some life today :)

went to e city in e morning for metroleo amazing race
went there as a helper
helped out at a station at istana park as station ic n had fun
e kids who participated r rowdy but quite guai la
haha
n finally got to c wanying after so so so long! :D

bought some foodstuffs n off to joannah's to prepare food to bring to s15 gathering
youchuen joined too
were frying n boiling n cutting n yea
suan-ing :))

reached natasha's house at like 8pm
her house is simply HUge

had lots of food there
haha
highlights r e games n louis's forfeit
e others played pig while i was eating like a pig (lol)
n louis lost n was asked to do erm..10 AC/sexy/act-man poses
it's so un-him n funny lol
den played mafia n yea...had lots of fun

"sorry tt i cant help u much
i m always with u yet all i can do is to distract u from ur misery
sorry...i dun not the e power to get u out of e trouble
tt feeling of helplessness i m having...
but no matter wat..anything within my ability tt u need help
pls tell me k?
smiles gal..for u look extremely nice lidat :)"

wint3rdreamz@11:42 PM
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Friday, July 20, 2007

gp - 37%
chinese - 64.3%
math - 35%
chem - 43%
bio - 51.5%
econs - 26%

so it's
1B
1D
1S
3U

well..somehow it just got so lousy, esp econs
someone(forgot who) was kinda shocked of my results
n said sth like "i tot u r a mugger?"

woah. hmm. im. but somehow i started it too late n used e wrong method to mug
now ive learnt my lesson
n hope tt mom can just stop forcing me to stop training

wint3rdreamz@10:30 PM
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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

yawnz
im always tired n i wonder y

lemme start from last sat
had monthly shoot in the morning
monthly shoot was shit
it's my fault anw...i have lost motivation (still..somehow nats affected me too much)
haha watever.

went to have lunch with e nyt rifle gals n jose n abigail n met up with e ppl to east coast for bbq
on e way sth kinda bad happened
it took a long time to wait for 401
half of us were queuing up while the other half went to sit on e railings on e other side
den e bus finally came
n ehh...e other half wanna try to cut the queue by joinin e rest
got told off by a lady in e queue
''dun cut in the queue...blablabla...u all nv study izit..''

e sec1 gals r pissed off e comment
told henry n he suggested telling off e lady back on e bus
they had a quarrel...oj joined in..lixin tried to stop it by apologisin
n me...well i just kept quiet
im really ashamed of myself
being the most senior in e group
all i did was to tell e gals to stop (which they dun bother to listen)
they insisted tt e lady is in e wrong cuz she gave tt bad comment bout 'nv study'
if only..i went up to e lady n tell her tt it's our wrong tt we cut e queue
but even if so she shouldve give such comments
n tt if she would have just say 'dun cut queue' in a nicer way she couldve gained e respect of us n listened to her
there's some tinge of racism in this arguement too
cuz during e argument...oj was like askin e girls wat happened n they explain in chinese
so e lady tot they were scolding her in chinese (which she dun understand)
n started jabbing in malay with her frens/relatives/watever
e girls just continued in chinese 'jiang hua yu la...jiang hua yu la...'
everyone seems like so pissed
so it wasnt a really good sight
after we alighted
some of us even went to pt middle finger at her when e bus drove past us

*e details mite not be accurate as im havin abit of stm*

well some pts here:
it's partially my fault..nv attempt to seriously resolve this
sec1 girls: it's our fault tt we cut e queue..so wat if we came earlier but if we dun queue, means we lose e queue, even if our frens r still queuing. how would u think if someone else cuts our queue?
tt lady: u shouldnt have made tt sarcastic remark. tt's not e way to gain respect from other ppl. if u wan ur pt to get across, do it in a nicer way. so pls mark ur words.
oj n henry: can c tt u r pissed too. but as a senior n exco member of e club, pls do not lose ur head lidat. remember tt we r in e public n we represent e club. anw tt is not e main pt. e main thing is tt be a good example in front of e juniors. choose to solve e prob in a more peaceful way n not to create conflict. u guys din notice but e incident occured partially cuz of ur encouragement.
lixin n perhaps guansheng: thx for trying to be e peacemaker. but tt's not e way to solve probs, sadly. it'll only make e situation worse by making e other party think tt we wanted to run away from e fault. on the other hand u'll lose e respect from ur juniors by doing this.

anw e bbq was fun
enjoyed it greatly n realised how much i miss u guys :)

back to boring sch on mon n tues

tues training was nice
finally picked up my motivation by keep tellin myself tt i psycoing myself tt i can go ntt
it's a fresh start, im gonna make it better :D

wed is cip day
got this bunch of teenage girls with us e whole morning
startin it was rather awakened
but we turned out quite ok in the end i guess
had some fun playin bball with em

capt/vcapt meeting with yb den club run (smile for a mile) den pt den exco meeting with yy

i cant help it but to say i kinda agreed with csb bout her.
it's really too tiring, to think too much. so, y do?
but i cant totally accept my pt of view, cuz she has been in e club longer than me
she mite has seem things tt i dun get to c
but still...thinkin too much is really tiring..haha..
bearing grudges with others is oso v tiring too...

had fun doin pt (while watchin hanson doing it)
n played bball too!

well...dun say tt u dun nid e help of e senior exco
u may dun like e way e senior ran e club
but they have done it after all..good job or bad

anw slacked in the range with ailin n chokkee after e exco meeting
sang n sang
haha...funn

ppl, esp some guy...pls dun react to this post by approachin anyone n tellin em bout wat u noe from this entry. thk u v much.

wint3rdreamz@11:52 PM
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Saturday, July 14, 2007

stubborn me has finally gave in
for my own good

agreed my mom to shift the com back to my bro's room
cuz it has been a kind of distraction for me when it's on my study table
as in...i couldnt study well
i would really love to have it on my desk..
it's like so personalised.. haha
but for e sake for my results... i gonna control
lol

but not bad la
at least still can online for some time a day
but when im study..muz pay full attention to it

so needless to say
my ct results is like HELL
shant mention any today
wait till i receive all e results den list em out tgt
for myself to face e full impact
haha

anw..
dun worry though i look sad
im disappointed by my results i admit
not becuz i expected better
but i couldnt face e fact tt i wouldve failed tt badly when there r ppl who can score well
but im alrite!
really...
e sadness will only last awhile
n motivation will come in soon
so erm.. thx to joannah n some others for e concern :)

training today..okok
coach asked me to shoot 30 per card
got a great hole there for e first card (like 9 ring big?) with a few stray shots here n there
second one worse... NO HOLE :(
hmm...i carve for an lp10....wahaha... if cannot a lp2 will be nice too :))

went lookin ard e web for some interesting gun models
realised tt lp1 must be VEry OLd... cuz it's not for sale anymore i guess
for steyr AP i think only lp2 n lp10 n lp50(can shoot 5 shots each time!) r for sale only
n e info on lp10 keep specifying on e stablising system of e pistol
meaning no(or should i say minimum) recoil!
it's oso actually e upgraded version of lp1
so it's like so cool
haha

nyt monthly tmr
gonna slp yea
yawnz.

wint3rdreamz@12:09 AM
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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

yippee... ponned sch today :D

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

haha lihui u promise de orh
jiayous
n come into njc ok?
haha...
though u r always mei da mei xiao
but u r always so fun n crazy
laoren ai ni :)

math VA
PW
amazing race proj
bp scheme
SPARKS proj
gp VA
training
sch
gonna get bz but i'll enjoy it i guess
:D

wth...only 50% passes for math for my class?

wint3rdreamz@9:59 PM
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adding on...
perhaps it's not bad to train in safra after all ba
was quite guilty of e tot of not wanna train there...eh abit la
somehow when coachfan asked me to write up e days n times i'll be trainin every week
i couldnt tell her bout my decision of training in sch more instead
im indecisive again..
hai.

wint3rdreamz@12:01 AM
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Tuesday, July 10, 2007

last day of enjoyment i guess :(

came to sch dam early in e morning
like 7am? haha...
played tennis with kaisheng for awhile den ks dy n jp started teaching me how to play properly..haha..
arigatou!
sigh.. actually dun have to come so early
cuz i couldnt go for my rollerblading course! :((
it is actually a 2-day course.. n i din go for yesterday de so...
haiyo...

played pool with jen n helped with e clearing of e fan room
omigosh so much rubbish la
n u can c things from books to dirty clothes to dishwashing soap to lamps in there!
haha half of e space is filled with items from mrlee's previous shop lol
so..couldnt clear much..but at least things look much much neater now :))

woohoo went for nail art
e course quite nice la.. but my art cmi so e drawings i made on e fake nails r kinda lousy X(
ailin im gonna draw a basketball on ur fingernails! yea..

stayed in sch till 5+ n went for training
practiced serving from e bouncing e ground for like 1/2h?
haha tennis actually quite fun..when i can play it properly! haha

trained from 7+
finally saw coachfan
haha... e same shocked face i c from everyone else when i told her my nats score
but not bad la.. she reminded me of all e fundamental mistakes ive made during training today
how i can just let myself to shoot badly when i noe exactly how to shoot a good shot
first 40 shots r served as a means to vent my frustrations...i kept firing n firing without drawing back
den i finally started seriously n is able to score around 92 or 93 per card
but e trouble is i cant replicate my good shots consistently when i was v clear how tt good shot can be executed
i shall tell myself:
'lift up, fix relationship, bring it down not-so-slowly, relationship will stablise in time around aiming area while pullin e trigger, DROP THE GUN IF IT DOES NOT HAPPEN THIS WAY!! if it does den go bang! rmb to FOLLOW THROUGH!'
'if sights dropped, relationship go way below aiming area, or too left too right, PUT DOWN!'
:))

my left upper arm aches from pickin up e balls n lifting em to throw em onto e ground for me to serve..
my right forearm hurts from all e whacking of e balls
my right upper arm hurts from 100+ shots today
kinda sour today...lol

archery yesterday was dam funn
njcsc ppl r SUPER NICE PPL! :D
chinese oral was easy
but i couldnt read n ans properly
wasted! :(

wint3rdreamz@11:30 PM
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Sunday, July 08, 2007

im kinda bored.. so yea...

part of 07s24 (with e performers yanjia desmond.t n xueen) after aristal
07s24 rox! as always...

our model of molecules for chem va... joannah bokguan youchuen n me = quite a great group isnt it? lol :)

caught andy slping at cdans... during cjcis i guess.. haha
[c hanson's feet there.. he's trying to take a pic too Xp]

my birthday gift from e pistol gals.. now it's alrdy inflated :(

APG <3!! taken during handover ceremony

e BIG octopus n tshirt from e old sec2 gang.. miss ya guys :))

cute hpchain from lirong... sweet.

lihui aka charlihu n me... during b boys pistol nationals
crazy gal..this one :)

bokguan got his face painted during ocs trip! not badly painted isnt it.. haha...

ailin, instead have it on her face... she painted her hand
yea... APG!! :D

ME JO GEN :DD
at island creamery e nite b4 our nats.. ybee was there too but left early for her BF.

bowling yesterday at some entertainment centre at clementi
my highest score ever! (im S) :)

chinese oral tmr
WISH ME LUCK... for easier free response qn for me :D
got to practice reading aloud or sth..
haha

wint3rdreamz@11:30 PM
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cycling today's postponed
cuz it rained.

spent e day riding on mrt/bus n bowling
with ailin n her frens

was helping mom with stuffs up till now
n throughout e evenin im thinking bout sth

NYT.

besides overseas comp opportunities n free lanes/cards/pellets
wat else will make me wanna stay?

e tot of abel asking jp whether he should quit nyt anot cuz prem suggested so
was bugging me into these tots today

a good coach.. made lots of frens...
a few more good pts

but...
cuz of nyt.. i couldnt train with my apg
cuz of nyt.. i cant really train in sch which is much warmer(not only literally) than training at safra
cuz of nyt.. i think tt i couldnt improve much

well... i duno wat to say
actually nyt's not tt bad
just tt... cuz i crashed?

it's unfair to judge nyt this way
does tt mean tt if i have shot well during nats
i wouldve loved nyt a bit more?

this is crap.. im being irrational again

but e emotional comfort im going to get when im training in sch is gonna be much much more
(i guess.. cuz i have not really trained in nj b4)
not being able to train with ur own team is a sad thing
cuz u wun be able to feel tt 'we r improving tgt' tt feeling

n e possibility tt im going to be e only njcian left in nyt
somehow made me feel worse

training alone is really a bad feeling
though there r ppl around
but either they dun shoot e same weap as u
or they r only casual frens

so perhaps this led me to another option:
to stay in nyt but to train in sch like isaac n daniel

e bad pt bout tt is tt u have to be ok with using 2 diff guns
if u cant... troubles will arise

hmm....so how?
i really duno wat to do
well seasa first... den decide ba

wint3rdreamz@12:48 AM
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Saturday, July 07, 2007

today was 6/7/07

prize ceremony today was fast
got to go back to sch even b4 e event ends
n i got this feeling of unjust within me during e ceremony

it's my fault...it's my fault... :(

now tt nationals have finally ended
it's time for myself to really start reflecting upon myself
not only bout shooting.. it's bout studies too

woah to think of it.. i kinda suck :((
[for ppl who noe tt i dun like to use even e slightest vulgar words..pardon me for using it once, on myself]

well im not going to just tell myself tt n tt's it
it's bout standing up again after falling isn't it?
ive brought myself to this test, being too proud n arrogant
n so im going to get through this.. n to prove to myself n everyone tt i can stand up again

one yr.. i shall give myself
by next yr everyone will c e better me
in shooting, in studies n oso in character too

n yea... <3 to njcsc :D
especially...haha shant say especially le.. cuz mr lee says so
lol jk :)

wonder how e club is going to go on without u man
but u have alrdy set e foundation n it's time for e students to take up e challenge ba
mr lee u rox!

wint3rdreamz@1:29 AM
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Thursday, July 05, 2007

worst day in like !@#$% years
my personal worst of e yr: 345: 84 85 85 91

basically today things seemed abit too late
haha
firstly.. it's too late for me to finish preparing some stuffs for my ai pistol girls
im really really v sorry :(
secondly.. it was too late for me to get my breakfast today
but tt's really alrite :) cuz it's partially my indecisive attitude tt caused this
thirdly (n e worse).. it was too late for me to recover from my total negative confidence during nats today
i feel.. dam regretful :((
forthly.. i received most of e nice nice items After my shoot
which one of em is a nicely made fridge magnet

actually in e end.. my confidence is still v low
just tt im left with only 5min tt leaves me no choice but to fire off quickly
if not.. i'll just be still holding still holding n still holding
not confident of my relationship to even shoot a 9
sigh.
so when i start hittin 9s n 10s at e beginning of e rushed last series
tt is only when i can hear myself sayin: c? u just make sure tt ur relationship's rite for a mo n trigger
10s n 9s will come de
actually i started shooting fast at 3rd series le
just tt i was having a heck-care attitude instead
n fire off even when i m positive tt my front sights r low
last series was chiong-ed but with a more serious attitude den e 3rd

overall ive fallen.. dam hard.. but ive learnt alot too
good experience still..
but y muz it be during nationals?
so... was somehow lucky to scrape a team 3rd though i crashed like 15+ pts

went for ice skating after n had abit of fun

almost wanted to stop my heart from aching by slping e mo i reached home
but mom asked me to do this n do tt
so too bad.. couldnt run away from my emotions
kinda.

anws
thx to prem for helpin me watever he can do n watchin me throughout e whole shoot
thx to e pistol gals who consoled me n tell me tt it's ok n im still loved no matter wat :D
thx csb for e listening ear (too bad u have to listen to me cuz u r e first one to msg me to ask me for e results)
thx mr lee for e pats on my head, tt weird smile u always give me n e dam lame/funny jokes on e car
thx joannah for being worried bout me
thx cx for trying to remind me of wat i should be doing/thinking when im shooting today (though kinda sorry cuz i din really done it well)
n thx to everyone who have wished me n my team luck

a div njapg
we'll be back next yr
to pawn every other schs
n most imptly pawn ourselves :))

wint3rdreamz@11:58 PM
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Monday, July 02, 2007

haha no fate to watch movies with e njcsc ppl ba
last time spiderman oso lidat
lol

nvm.. nxt time nxt time

chinese exams tmr
n i din do anything bout it
weee~~!!

my enrichment prog r screwed
got only 6h
LOL
gonna try tmr n c if i can squeeze in some slots anot

3 days to e big day :DD

wint3rdreamz@10:43 PM
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im sad.

today's training din go well
or should i say.. quite badly
ive tried to allow my gun to jerk forwards as it has this natural jerk tt dun come from my arms
well it worked, for some shots i did get 10s
but i flunked badly cuz i got more 8s n 7s
n with prem behind me.. i muz admit i felt a large amt of stress
n it stopped me from been daring in my actions
im afraid i did my actions wrongly.. though to me it's stil ok though it's not so rite
but i scared when i did tt he's goin to walk to me n comment on my actions
well i admit tt ther's sth wrong with my fundamentals
but mostly abit mistakes wun affect me tt much..
n usually when it gets bad i'll just put down my gun
but haha thx prem for makin e trip down to safra n e suggestions u gave me :))

ehhh i shouldntve had said anything bout mom in front of prem
duno wat made me do so
(perhaps my heart was feeling dam wrapped up n everything tt i felt like exploding)
but after wat ive said.. i realised tt it made me worse instead of better

im basically not willing to let ppl noe bout my family
it'll only made me feel sadder
tt's y i appreciate my frens alot
cuz they mean alot alot to me
actually my family too
but in a different sense i guess
when im able to make my frens happy.. to c em smile
tt's wat makes me feel relieved.. makes me feel tt im somehow acknowledged

nono.. im not being emo.. n im not an emo person
im a happy person after all!
one slp n all troubles will be gone! :DD

n oso... thx meiting for tt wonderful experience talk
it inspired me.. somehow.. how it'll be i guess i'll only noe on thurs
everyone jiayou.. n i'll too! (",)

wint3rdreamz@1:13 AM
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