::*~Wint3rDreamz~*:: - Enigma of a thousand flowers

Monday, March 30, 2009

just whack la hor.
goin to spend tt AUD$100
thou my chance of getting any scholarship is like low low low~

relieved tt i managed to submit all my documents today
just 2 more applications out and im finally done with all these shit

shall i apply for ntu as well?
just in case i wun get admitted into nus lol :(

b.dad and i almost walked the whole of nus today
damm tiring but nevertheless fun

met max and joel
all the best for ur interviews on thursday!
and praba too if im not wrong

before all these, chionged to cpf board to look for caifang who's on her last day
so sad tt i missed the party but got her to come out of the office to chat n camwhore. haha
got this embarrassing run-in with manager.regina lol
i was at the back door trying to sneak in when she was trying to get into the office too -.-
some of the other perms caught me too i suppose. oh my wat m i supposed to say when i c them next week >.<

and wth they alrdy got a replacement for cf like 2 days ago?
sorry joe once agn. din noe their action;s like so fast.
hope tt u can get into the jobs tt u have alrdy applied

lg-ed on wed n yst.

learnt a bad truth from lgaziz on wed

yst was all rain n thunder for 2h+ straight
slacked like sht haha
and then had fun with walkie talkie with lgterence when part-timer baosheng was having his break. he's the fav man

---
im still wow-ing at the extend of freedom he is giving/willing to give me
but no no i wun abuse it ;)
thou i never say it but i guess
4 9455 732559 6477 446
haha

wint3rdreamz@11:59 PM
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Thursday, March 26, 2009

these days;

i feel as though im constantly psychologically manipulated

im forced upon thoughts and opinions

and am forced to agree with them

from everywhere.

i will say my mind's tempted..really tempted to give way

but to who? to everyone actually.

and this is the trouble, cuz everyone's ideas are different

i need a stand. from myself
but with an brief idea of wat's happening ard me, i guess it'll take time

im practical. i need to see to believe.

actually, i think i have a stand alrdy, more or less
expressing it is the hard part.

wint3rdreamz@11:39 PM
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Tuesday, March 24, 2009

i think the worst thing one can show during interviews, is the lack of confidence of getting the benefits and expressing my own ideas.

you can rant bout how screwed your anses are to ur frens, family, teachers...
u can groan n moan to almost everyone..
but never show an ounce of it to the interviewers.

take it as an experience then. shld i go for other interviews next time (if i still have the chance to), i'll face them with a smile and greater confidence.
the half a lottery won was good enough.

no common qns i've prepared
but qns tt still lead to my passion n ideas
a conference table with bout 7 interviewers
and me myself

ben & jerry's nice nice nice
[not the persons hahaha ;P]
nicer when im having it with b.dad :)
call me noob but it was my first time eating it

slping it off again tonight. but i guess i shld stop doing this...
rather than attempting to make myself feel better after every screw-ups;
i shld make the attempt to stop myself from screwing up instead.

wint3rdreamz@11:39 PM
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Monday, March 23, 2009

woots today's the first official day of my 2 weeks leave
(fyi i did not quit from cpf board in the end)

but in the morning i still ended up at tanjong pagar -.-
for some interview for some event helper thingy w joe
which erm...i mostly probably will nt be going for? (sorry joe!)

had pasta mania den starbucks
surfed the net n stuff

den down to dhs to look for g.lee
the same tall and b___ing guy
chatted and got my reference letters
thx mr lee! :)

peeked through abit (the reason y i got white envelopes for him to seal e letters haha)
and was shocked bout the amt of things he knew i did
some of them which i dun rmb doing. LOL
and i realised the med one was not directly ansing the qn!
but anyways it was quite well done. im relieved. haha.

shopping with mom
den dinner at jap foodcourt yay

preparing for my interview for now
and everyone's advising me to be natural and honest
ok i'll ~~try~~ do my best. (haha elepapa)
:D

there isnt a nicer piece of shit ard than b.dad ;D

and joe too, for smuggling the laptop out and accompanying me ard

thanks!

wint3rdreamz@8:38 PM
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Sunday, March 22, 2009

dexter just msg me asking if im coming down to safra during nats
and this leads to realise and ponder bout sth...

a 93 and 92 for first 2 series den 84 86 aft i arrived for ap team trng at safra?
gd performance during cdans and internals?

now i sincerely hope that im the reason tt she crashed her shots during comps.
if not i really duno wat other reason i can have to for her inability to perform.
and the best part is tt this problem is way too easy to be solved

duno if she noes or not. but if she does, i'll be upset cuz she never told me bout it.

wint3rdreamz@2:28 PM
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Saturday, March 21, 2009

dun feel like appearing online today.
just want to stay away from the world for a moment, a lil peace in my lil room

my throat's feeling weird and all
and in addition im inhaling second-hand smoke even with the door closed
wth.
cant on the fan cuz im feeling chilly

this is how people can be biased - by mentioning only the things that makes oneself look good (or to put it badly, that makes another look bad).
it's not his fault, but not her fault either
or maybe it mite probably but both of their faults.

keep assuming people. keep assuming you-s know everything. the world will be such a great place to live in
(with heavy sarcasm)
and no, i dun think i know the exact situation.

understanding is the key. and never be self-centered dudes.

---

and i wonder; when will the imaginary bubble of his burst
when he realise that im not who he thinks im perhaps?

but nevertheless, i am really grateful to have him
for his understanding, for his magnanimity and for his help (to carry my stuff haha)

so happy for him; he got accepted into his desired course! (with a lil uncertainty which i think shouldnt be a prob :)

today was rather tiring.
chionged on bike all the way to safra cuz i tot meeting starts at 9.30 n i left house at 9.30 exact
but it started at 10 in fact -.-

some updates and talk bout comp prep and stuff
and some showing the slides without explaining much?
i noe it's the same old slides from the kl trng camp last yr
but u mite as well dun show the slides if u were to just flash through for ppl to copy?

lunched with the sps boys (old n current)
crapped and stuff

then off to usp talk with b.dad and lirong
it has been soo long since i've seen her.
so great so great
the talk was quite interesting at parts and this usp thing is like kinda cool..but it seems kinda...time consuming and taxing?

and i met ms gill today! she's part of usp haha
was kinda :( when i had to tell her tt i din score an A for econs

had a chat with elepapa. hope tt he'll be alright.

nite trng at safra for teamnj
observed and chatted abit
i think it's such a cool thing to have so many seniors back (okay not many as in many, but the few of us is good enough)

actually the other days had been quite fulfilling too. just tt i m lazy to mention. but will do so soon.

part of the result from some personality test i did on fb-
"What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you."
so true, and i like/dun like this character of mine.

kinda incoherent today bleh.
but heck la

wint3rdreamz@11:47 PM
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Thursday, March 19, 2009

MOH must have been mad
crazy
mad
crazy

it feels like striking half a lottery
another half sleepless nite i had in a week

if i cont to have more of these emotional roller coaster rides, i think i'll die of heart attack.

and WTH recruit agencies take sooo much commission?
i would have been able to earn more than twice of my current pay without them!
and the dumb thing is, even when i offered to cont my temp job directly frm HR (w/o agency), they declined.
oh my how dumb can the companies be!

wint3rdreamz@9:23 PM
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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

[15/3/09]

for moments, i lost the motivation and reason to take up medicine.
these few days were, scary.

general practice is not what i want to do
neuroscience takes more than 6 years to accomplish
memorising names is not my thing

the word 'surgeon' seems to have disappeared from my thoughts.
but that is the word that brings me to want to take up medicine
the direct involvement to put things (organs/veins etc) right, the recovery of a person under your hands, are wat i guess most people who considered healthcare for a career would desire.

another reason is actually to extend a helping hand.
with my knowledge, provide free checkups, ease the pains of the poor and unfortunate.

so, im once again motivated. whee :)

thank goodness there's this thing called Exceptional Individual Scheme. but sadly it makes me dream agn.

another direction of mine will be nutrition/sports science. they are more of my interest. i want to understand and enhance performance of athletes (seeing many who cant and myself, who remained stagnant though i know how to go about improving). and i guess nutrition is my thing, such tt i subconsciously find myself reminding my colleagues not to eat this, not to eat tt too often.

seriously, given tt im accepted for both (haha day dreaming), i wun noe which one to go for.

provided im not accepted into any, pharmacy and research will be the last way to get in touch with lives.

i cant imagine myself in anywhere else. heh.

---

[17/3/09]

ha im such a loser.
i missed the application datelines

im thankful to have a bunch of caring family members. even my brother was sweet then

i expect too much from myself. why cry? not like im going to get selected anyway.

perhaps i have cried out my 18 years worth of regrets and guilt (particularly these 2 years). and after all these, im surprised how i managed to fall asleep in the end.

im waiting for 9am to come, to call up and hopefully i'll get through.

after so much, i hope i've learnt to stop procrastinating.

wint3rdreamz@8:38 AM
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Saturday, March 07, 2009

died la hor.

thkful for i din fail gp
thkful for i din fail econs

aabcd
i really deserve this. couldnt ask for more or life would really be unfair.

im feeling damm bad. he helped my chem, but i was nt able to help his math

"if u've attempted tt 3rd qn, ur econs mite be a B instead"
-my deepest regret i suppose

my tears shocked some ppl today. sorry.
but it was unlike o's when they fell for nth.

sorry apg. i tried, i tot i could. but i couldnt put my heart into trng today

guess wat can be done now is to make do with wat was given and make the best out of it. hopefully can end up in some course tt im interested in at least. i'll be contended.

all in all, i guess the 2 yrs made me learnt sth, in the most painful way: time management and expectations

im really tired now, mentally and physically. nites world.

ps: i'll be fine

wint3rdreamz@1:41 AM
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Thursday, March 05, 2009

random updates:

im quitting on the 24th. bye soon cpf building.

hopefully get to do cco for nationals. the pay per day is like WOW (if i've not heard wrongly)

and so in the meantime, got to find another job to cont aft nationals.
got any lobang anyone?? :D

caifang got pwned yst by ppj. dk-ed. (when a gd intention turned bad, due to ignorance LOL)
ppj: wat sch r u from?
cf: uhhh i dun really wan to say lahh
ppj: haha nvm dun worry too much. being in a not-so-gd sch doesnt mean u cannot score well. there are ppl in these schs who scored well, and some in gd schs who scored badly too.

get to see how the double-stabbing works? she's from hcjc anw.

anyways, from gd sch or not, wishing everyone all the best. im sure it'll turn out ok for every single one of u ppl :)

got a few well wishes from others too. thx alot i appreciate every single one of them

[insert] oh well i just pissed my bro off. sorry, i cant expect myself to feel better when someone who scored damm bloody well comes n talk to me. :( [/insert]

and yst was the first time i slpt and woke up at marina bay mrt >.< was late for work due to tt.
gah got to find a workplace tt is nearer

met coachfan today at np. told her i cant train today due to tmr. she's nice to accept tt troubles make shooting hard. :)

no matter wat happens tmr, i'll accept it cuz tt's wat i deserve.

wint3rdreamz@9:10 PM
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